Marmalade on Wry

Open Adoption

Administrator — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:16:54 +0000

I have opinions, as anybody who knows me well can attest. As I’ve gotten older I think I have more patience for other people’s opinions and lifestyle choices. I just wish other people were on this journey with me. We are part of an open adoption with my daughter’s first family, grandparents, parents, the whole group. I know every adoption situation is different, but I think the most important over-arching concept that has ruled my thoughts on adoption for the last 6 months since the death of my J (Lily’s birthmother) is that I may be called on to explain all of this to her one day. I have really taken that to heart as a parent.

I need to be able to explain why we don’t eat meat. I need to be able to explain why we chose adoption. I need to be able to explain why she can’t watch another tv show. Everything!

Little and big things, but clarified through the lens of needing to defend my position, really helps me to think about why I choose what I choose. Does that make sense? I hope other adoptive parents grasp that for their situation too. They may well be called to answer questions one day about why they have a certain level of openness with their family of origin. Can you defend your position?

City Life

Administrator — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 00:29:36 +0000

I grew up in suburbia, but spent all of my adult life living in rural areas, small towns, until last year. Some sort of fire lit in our family & we decided to move to a big city, Portland, Oregon. Packing & moving were hell, but now that we are settled, our quality of life is so enriched it’s awesome to us.
We see concerts, go to museums, can eat food from almost any culture in the world, all within a half hour drive of our house. It seems endless the number of benefits we have living here. A real international airport, dog parks, Trader Joe’s, these are all these great innovations that were never accessible to me before, and I love them, I really truly do.
I loved the quiet of the small town life, but when Thai food or cupcakes are delivered to my door, it’s hard to remember why.

And the rain keeps tumbling down

Administrator — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 01:01:51 +0000

Last October we lost a family member. She lived on the other side of the country, and we didn’t talk much, but it was a tremendous loss. The grief was different because only my household had ever met her, and yet we had planned to have her in our lives forever. It was this potential relationship that we really mourn, and I have been unable to find anyone who has been through a similar situation (which in the day & age of the Internet is truly remarkable).

We lost J, our daughter’s birth-mother, first-mother, whatever words make most sense to you. We went into the open adoption situation so that our daughter, Lily, would have access to information and the potential for a life-long relationship. Now that has been taken from us all, my daughter, her first-mother, me, the birth-father.

I remember when Lily was born & we discussed how open we wanted everything to be with the agency mediating. J & I had the same philosophy of wait & see how we all feel, why codify things now when who knows what the future will bring? Besides the agency had already advised us that no of it was legally enforceable anyway, it’s an ethical agreement. (I wonder if they told the birth-parents that?)

So many people want the birth-parents to go away, I did not. Our agency said they probably would disappear, they were wrong (I wonder if they tell every family that?)

This is such an ongoing situation now, how will our daughter have access to pictures and information? Do we make contact with J’s family? How do we stay in contact with her half-brothers? What do we tell family & friends when they ask about her? A child psychologist friend told me that whatever I do, I’ll have to be able to explain it later to Lily. I will fight for answers to questions she cannot ask yet, because when she is grown, the answers may be out of reach.

I’ve always been a believer in the truth, so I told the kids everything I knew in age appropriate ways. Lily was with me on speaker phone when I first heard the unbelievable news that J was gone. We didn’t know at the time what the cause of death was, that required weeks of waiting & a full autopsy. And at three years old, Lily didn’t really ask how J died, which was okay because I was unable to say.

Five months later a grandparent came to visit, and as I drove through the rainy night, I got to hear Lily give a near verbatim account of what happened that day. The car was quiet, and it was a sad & beautiful tale. I got to hear my almost 4 year old Lily say how sad mommy was when J died. I am glad she knows that, that I mourned, and still do.

I will always be able to explain why I was sad, and that feeling will never be out of reach.

RIP grandpa

Administrator — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 23:09:04 +0000

I got the voicemail from my dad a little while ago, my grandpa died eating lunch today. He was in a bad mood apparently, and my dad was suspecting he had another stroke. He was about to tell him that’s what he suspected, and my grandpa just stopped. He was born in 1916, we was a retired government employee, a veteran, and the only grandpa I ever had. I’ll miss him.

Oh my blog, my poor neglected blog.

Administrator — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 20:35:33 +0000

I so wanted to be an awesome food blogger, I have so many opinions about food. Then life is happening. And although I continue to eat & have good & bad experiences in restaurants all over the world, food is only part of life. Meanwhile the comment spam keeps happening over here. And life continues on.
This week one of my good friends, a sort of earth mother hippie-momma type, her daughter posted some nastiness on Facebook. It really bothered me, and I thought about it several times over the next few days. Her daughter is 13, and the post was full of invective & cursing about another girl at her school. There were more than 50 comments, continuing name-calling, just terrible. Bullying, mean, just horrific all around.
Well, after 3 days I checked and the post was still there. Now both of her parents are on FB, and this young woman is FB friends with a number of adults. I finally decided that I should stick my nose in and let the mom know what her daughter was doing on FB, even if it meant she thought I was budding in inappropriately. If my kids were speaking like that to other people, I would want to know, but I have met plenty of parents who don’t see their own child’s issues. I tread carefully, I wrote thoughtfully. I hit send.

And then I just let go. What ever will be, will be, but I don’t want to be a bystander to hate.

I received two messages back from my friend, the first of shock because she was unaware, and thanking me for letting her know. The second message was more about the general follow-up, and how the girls had actually already made-up by the time she asked her daughter to delete the post.

Being angry is OK. Leaving your anger out for everyone to see, especially when your anger is poised on a 13 year old girl, is just sad & bullying. I’m glad I’m still have my friend, but I’m also really glad that the angry messages are gone & not continuing to feed the beast of hate.

I’m not going to proof read, it is what it is.

Our Thanksgiving Menu-2006

Administrator — Thu, 23 Nov 2006 04:12:02 +0000

Our Thanksgiving menu for 7 guests:

Turkey & Tofurky

Gravy

Bread stuffing with dried cherries

Glazed pearl onions

Cranberry relish

Mashed potatoes

Sweet potatoes with pineapple & homemade vegetarian marshmallows

Glazed yams

Roasted green beans

Corn on the cob

Devilled eggs

Cranberry orange bread

Olives

Fruit salad

Pumpkin pie

Fruitcake

Cranberry upside-down cake

Fudge (made by my daughter)

Martinelli’s sparkling apple cider

Iced tea

Renata’s Creperie (Arcata, CA)

Administrator — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 03:27:10 +0000

Open for almost a year now, I have eaten at Renata’s many times. The location doesn’t have great parking, and it can be quite crowded, but the food is awesome. There are several good vegetarian choices as well as carnivore options. The salads are good, but really the crepes pretty well fill you up so I’ve ordered only one in all these months. The dessert crepes are excellent as well, although again you’ll want to share because you’ll be too full.

The names of the dishes are a bit on the odd side, so be prepared to ask your server for a ‘Blessed Heart’ or ‘Sweet Sappho’. Also be prepared to go without a decent iced tea, because for some ungodly reason they don’t have it. The offer a prepackaged tea drink with high fructose corn syrup, but that’s it.

Other than the absence of iced tea this restaurant provides a fantastic menu with reasonable prices. If you are coming through Humboldt County, definitely stop and eat at Renata’s Creperie.

1030 G St
Arcata, CA 95521

ph. (707) 825-8783

Hard Rock Cafe (Baltimore, MD)

Administrator — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 02:53:26 +0000

Three things brought me to the Hard Rock Cafe in Baltimore.

1.Hunger

2.Novelty (I live in a small town)

3.Blogography

I’ve been reading Dave at Blogography talk about the great veggie burger at Hard Rock for so long, I half expected the burger to come with a side of crack. I’ve never eaten at a Hard Rock Cafe, but I had pretty high expectations to say the least. Being pretty hungry our table decdided to get an appetizer of onion rings, they sounded good at the time and I can’t think of the last time I ate some really good onion rings.

Twenty-four hours after eating at Hard Rock Cafe, I still can’t.

We ended up being at Hard Rock for more than on hour. Five minutes to order, 45 minutes waiting for the food, 1 minute to be disappointed by the food, ten minutes of chasing down a manager for the check, and 2 minutes to pay and run out the door. I will never go back.

The onion rings were icky and greasy. The veggie burger was a pile of brown rice & veggie bits pressed into a patty, a tepid pile of carbohydrate that no sauce could save.

The accompanying salad was topped with a piece of rotten black drippy lettuce.

Really, ’nuff said.

La Scala (Baltimore, MD)

Administrator — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 12:34:34 +0000

There are many things to enjoy in Baltimore’s Little Italy, and La Scala is definitely one of them. It was not the only restaurant in Little Italy that I tried, but it was the best.

I should have known when we they couldn’t accomodate our group on short notice the first night. Several nights later, with only a party of two, we did get a table, and it was excellent. I didn’t see one empty table. Servers were busy, but accomodating; if you are staying nearby they will even send a shuttle to pick you up.

The menu had a large variety of options, meaty and vegetarian. The Penne All’ Arrabiata was spicy and wonderful. The pesto tasted of the essence of basil itself, green and fragrant, it was exquisite. The Pane Gorgonzola was a delightful dish and not something you see everyday, although I certainly plan to replicate it myself at home. All of the bread I tried was crusty, good, and fresh.

I always enjoy a surprise at a restaurant, and at La Scala it was definitely the green beans. Before even bread was brought to the table the server delivered a little plate without saying a word. There were two small pieces of red potato and a heap of garlicky green beans. It was a delightful little dish, spicy and refreshing, a great snack to sort of whet your appetite before a fantastic meal.

La Scala of Little Italy
1012 Eastern Ave.
Baltimore, MD 21202
(410) 783-9209

Liquid Earth (Baltimore, MD)

Administrator — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 12:01:45 +0000

I love a good vegetarian restaurant. What is better than that? A great vegetarian restaurant with reasonable prices and nice folks running the place.

Being in a strange city and needing a meal, I usually start with Google maps and search for vegetarian restaurants. Liquid Earth came up on the first page for Baltimore, but with a broken menu link. At first I thought about trying the local Indian joint, but really I wanted options. I asked at the front desk of my hotel, they recommended Liquid Earth and handed me a menu.

A funky little place in the Fell’s Point neighborhood, Liquid Earth has been around awhile. After two visits the tofu salad & tofu salad sandwich became my personal favorites, but I sampled a half dozen menu items and was never disappointed. I tried two different daily soups during our stay, both were fantastic. Philly Cheese and Rueben sandwiches are done well. Liquid Earth doesn’t stop with the sandwiches and soup.They have a great juice selection and some raw food options. Unlike many healthy restaurants, they understand that desserts are important as well. The vegan chocolate cake would be at home in any great bakery. In fact, the breads served with every sandwich and soup were superb, clearly Liquid Earth respects baking for the art that it is.

The current website for Liquid Earth is lacking, but the owner reports that it is in the process of being updated. Quite possibly the best news is the planned expansion of the Liquid Earth empire. Look for a cookbook, products on your grocery store shelves, etc. If they maintain their quality standards for product lines, sales will not be a problem.

Liquid Earth is family owned & operated, close by 7 p.m., and you are missing out if you have never been.

Liquid Earth (liquidearth.com)
1626 Aliceanna St
Baltimore, Maryland 21231
(410) 276-6606